waking up with this question every morning and i really don't want it to happen but somehow it does... I guess it's the same thing I've always been afraid of. all those years. though, I thought things had changed for me after all this while. I guess not though. but this time's different I think. well, I know it is, actually. but I guess the same fear still lingers somewhere there. guess it applies too, in its own way. but apart from that, there's also the other thing I'm afraid of. the thing that happens between an end and a beginning. the transition. well I guess at that precise moment, there's nothing to be afraid of. it's the anticipation; when the things still matter to you. knowing that if you keep this up, that point will come sooner or later. and there's no avoiding it. good thing is, when it does come, you don't care much about it anymore. I guess that's why I jumped the last time. I took that 'leap of faith' and don't get me wrong, it was for the best. but somehow I'm back to my old self. of being overly cautious. of wanting to be entirely sure. and in wanting that, it kinda messes up a lot of other things too I guess. and brings about a negative consequence overall. the only difference is that over here, it's more confined. there's no running away from things you don't want to face. you can't selectively avoid these things. they're bound to turn up every now and then and they'll bring about all those weird feelings. feelings that make you regret it all in the first place. but I guess it's true that you should never regret what once made you happy. albeit just transiently.